Monday, August 23, 2010

Just because I'm talking to you, doesn't mean I'm going to F@#k you!

Let's start this off with stating that I'm new. I'm super new to this dating thing. Just getting out of a long term relationship (and still being in my 20s), I am pretty green to the social ritual known as "dating". I'm not ready to get into online dating (and reading about p.j.'s horror stories, I think I may stay out of that realm for a bit) or even speed dating (do they still even do that?). I'm trying the good old fashioned, going out to bars with my friends and maybe finding a good guy that doesn't have an Oedipus complex. I said maybe. I didn't say that that was my night's mission. That's just a bonus to the night.

I said that I was new to the dating scene, but I'm not an idiot. I've gone to bars with single friends, I've sipped my dirty Grey Goose martini while they shamelessly flirt with the cute guy at the end of the bar. I've watched. I've joked with the bartender. I've giggled. I didn't think I needed to pay attention to flirting
faux pas until my relationship fell apart a year ago. Damn, I should have taken notes.

Now, I'm well aware that I'm a good looking chick. On the universal scale of hotness, I would range from 5-8 depending on your preference for brunettes who are on the taller side. Aware, but not cocky. I refuse to become an LA chick. You know, that girl who is looking for a compliment from anywhere and won't dare talk to you unless you, 1. Buy her a drink or 2. Are Abercrombie model hot... and then will buy her a drink. No talking necessary, just a sweet buzz. She usually can be seen in her native garb of stiletto heels, dress that barely covers her ass and WAY too much eyeliner. Beware, fellas, she's extremely dangerous and has been known to give you a backstage pass to the herp show. I, on the other hand, like to have conversations, no drink exchange required though much appreciated.

I remember being in driver's education and the instructor asked us what it meant if someone had their turn signal on. Um, it meant that the driver was going to turn, stupid. Wrong, it only means that the turn signal is working. That person could have their turn signal on for MILES and they don't have to turn. It just means that their electrical system is functioning. Having a conversation is like a turn signal: Just because we're having one, doesn't mean I'm going to turn. And by "turn," I mean fuck you. It just means that our communication devices are working.

So I make small talk while waiting for the bartender to make my drinks, doesn't mean I'm interested in going any further. It just means that I'm bored and it sure beats looking at myself in the mirror behind the display bottles. It was a moment, let it pass. You don't have to follow me to my friends to continue the funny conversation or think that I actively sought you out to show you how witty I can be. You were there waiting for your beer and there was an opening right next to you. Let's leave it at that. It's just a turn signal, not a green light.

On the other hand, we could be having an awesome conversation at a chill, low key bar and completely hit it off. Numbers will be exchanged and we can carry on later, testing the waters of a possible match. If it's a good enough conversation (like we just cured cancer, fixed the economy, or discovered the actual purpose of Twitter), I could quite possibly entertain the idea of making the turn to the on ramp of the pleasure highway... but you would definitely know it and we would have been gone already. So drop it into first, gentlemen, and you'll find your turn... having a funny, smart, engaging conversation gets you in my neighborhood but only time will tell if I'll leave the light on for you.

Does that make me a tease and naive? Or does that make you immature and oversexed? I'm not sure the verdict on that one, but that's my rant for the night and I'm sticking to it.

1 comment:

  1. I'd like to add a PS to this one: "Just because I compliment you on one of your tattoos doesn't mean I'm hitting on you Target guy."