Let me give you a little background on me. I'm a single mom. I own my own house. I own my own car. I have a career. Not a job, a career. I'm pretty laid back and pretty tolerant of most people. (In my own mind... even if I do think some boys are stupid and need rocks thrown at them.) I empathize with people way more than I should. So needless to say, I have tolerated a lot of crap in my lifetime much to my own detriment. Anywho.
So my dating ventures often begin online in the scary word of Internet dating. And let's just say, it's been a treat.
Today's topic: Internet Pick Up Lines (or messages)
I don't ask for much from people. You know... I'd like people to have a job, their own car... and well preferably not live in their parents' basement. But you know, life sucks sometimes. I get it. I also have the high requirement that people have mastered the English language to a degree. (By all means, I know I am typo queen and not even entirely grammatically correct.)
So let me bring you the joy that has been some fantastic pick up lines that guys have sent to me. And my subsequent thoughts for all the world to read.
The nerd pick up lines:
He writes: "I see we both like Star Trek. Let's explore this."
I think upon reading: Oh, I see what you did there. Let's not boldly go... ever. I'm a nerd, but that is even too nerdy for me.
What he should have said: Hey, I see you like Star Trek. Which series was your favorite?
He writes: "Would you like to be the Princess Leia to my Han Solo."
Analysis: Just because I am a nerd of sorts doesn't mean I want to talk nerd all day long. I also feel uncomfortable for you when you actually write a cheesy pun, joke, or "clever" line trying to pick me up. Now, if we were chatting for a bit and you throw in that line to be funny, then we're cool. I joke around with nerd humor all the time with friends. If I never met you before, this makes me want to explore other options.
The "are you serious?!" pick up lines:
- It says in my profile that I do have a car. (Kind of sad that Plenty of Fish makes you put that in your profile.)
- No, I just like to look at my car. I do not, in fact, drive it. I think I will respond with some nice and eloquent message.
- This is not "Driving Mr. I-Can't-Write-a-Sentence".
- You don't know me from Eve and you just gave me your phone number?! (I am tempted to leave it in this blog to see if anybody wants to take him out. He seems down on his luck.)
- I already have children. Do not need another.
- But hey, he has an apartment ladies. That does make him a better catch than the last guy I dated long term.
He writes: "you hav the best eyes ive seen, i wanna talk and hope you do to"
I think upon reading: I'm really glad I never became an English teacher like I wanted to. I can't handle reading Inbox messages from a dating site. I appreciate the compliment, but my elitist ass can't get over the lack of 'e' on the word 'have' and the improper use of the word 'to.' Punctuation-shmunctuation.
I am convinced these robots only care to ensue chaos through mischief, not help."
And the moral of the story: First impressions are all you get sometimes. Use them wisely.
PS: If anybody wants to serve as my proofreader [Danielle and Shark Face], feel free. I know I suck.