For Peter Pan and Other Lost Boys

In the modern world of big girls and boys, responsible fun, and jobs, isn't it nice to know that there is always a group of guys that refuse to act anywhere near their age? The Lost Boys, together with Peter Pan in Never Land, make my heart flutter with their refusal to supposedly conform! Screw the social nicety of treating women like equals or with any semblance of respect! They're horrible bitches, but they do have boobs that can be gawked at to objectivity and embarrass any girl until she's red in the face ... obviously from blushing from flattery. Nothing says they care about a woman like staring intensely at her chest, mumbling about its firmness or size under their breath, and asking her to repeat her comment. When lady folk say they want to be treated like humans, they do not actually mean it because they totally like being considered the weaker submissive sex.

As if it is not challenging enough to find a connection with someone, Lost Boys, you refuse to see that we are not aiming to be your ball-and-chain. Shockingly, we have like our freedom, being with ourselves, hanging out with our friends without you in tow, and just enjoying the activities we loved before we knew you. We are not plotting your ultimate demise and emasculation by forcing you to call us every five minutes when you are out with your friends, making a list of chores for you, making you spend nights in watching Katherine Heigl movies, and withholding sex. (Although, it is highly unlikely you will be getting any action from us because in all honesty, you are a bit of a dick.)

In place of acting as if women are the root of all evil as well as your problems, self-evaluation comes in handy. Instead of taking a woman's refusal as a question of her sexuality and obviously being a lesbian, consider that your hyper-aggressive behavior making her uncomfortable and possibly like prey. Or maybe she is really not interested. If you are interested in sleeping with one of us, try not to be crude, but also, do not expect us all to be ready and willing to jump your bones. Until you realize that parading around as a Lost Boy is barely appealing even when you are in your early twenties, you are driving away any or all women you want to be with as you keep up the elusive, immature, and often misogynistic lifestyle. If time alone is what you want, congratulations, you have it ... and will for a long time.